Hi!  It’s Dr. Ericka here, your Double Board-Certified Psychiatrist and podcast host of Better with Dr. Ericka.  I’m passionate about helping you be better, do better, and live better.  I was recently in Martha’s Vineyard, and a friend identified their primary identity as a father.  They were hanging at their Vineyard taking their daughter everywhere, and she was so sweet and obviously adored her daddy.  This made me reflect on my relationship with my own father.  I am a certified daddy’s girl.  Like, if you looked up daddy’s girl on Wikipedia, you would see a picture of me.  

I literally used to go everywhere with my daddy.  As a baby, he would have me in one arm and would have my diaper bag with a stash of grapes in it.  He swears that grapes made me so happy as a baby.  I did everything with my dad, even hanging out in the barber shop.  It didn’t help that my grandfather was a barber.  As I got older and ventured into the wonderful world of dating, I realized all men weren’t as kind or thoughtful to me as my dad.  Looking back, I now realize that my dad has always provided a safe place for me and subconsciously has established that a man can be a safe place.  This has been critical as I have experienced some men that were not safe for me.  It’s amazing how many experiences we have as women that we don’t talk about.  One such incident, was when a young man in a summer program grabbed me and lifted me against a wall forcefully.  It took another young woman in the program digging her fingernails in his arms to get him to let me go.  Honestly, I had done absolutely nothing to him.   To this day, I have not idea why he did that.  Despite the negative experiences, my dad’s love is a huge reason whey I still am able to believe that there is a man that can treat me well out there and that men can be safe.  

These relationships with your dad are protective in so many ways. 

  1. A healthy daddy/daughter relationship establishes what a loving, caring relationship with a man is.  This relationship ideally also demonstrates what unconditional love is.  This love also provides emotional stability that can be helpful in times of stress.
  2. By demonstrating a healthy love and seeing how your dad treats you and other women, you are able to create a barometer for when a man is not treating you well or does not have the capacity to be in a healthy relationship.   This barometer can keep you from entering unhealthy relationships to begin with or keep you from staying in an unhealthy relationship too long.  Time is a non-renewable resource, so you can’t get it back.  In addition, It’s a lot easier to move forward from hurt that didn’t happen rather than heal from substantial hurt that didn’t have to exist.
  3. In times of pain or overwhelm, there is nothing like the support of a loving dad.  Also, they can warm your heart with a word, a look, or a hug.  Have you ever had a moment where a hug from your dad made everything better?  My dad even still sings a “Daddy’s little baby girl” song, which makes me smile no matter how off-key it is. 

All of this is to say that Dads can be a critical source of support and love.  Don’t underestimate the impact you have on your child’s life as a dad.  If you are a daughter with a good dad, make sure that you contact him often and tell him that you love him.  One thing that has been made clear in this time of COVID is that tomorrow is not promised.  Soak up all of the love and hugs!  One way to put YOU back in YOUR life is to actively lean into all of the love around you, including from your dad, if they are still alive.  Filling your love bucket is a great way to harness support and positive energy.  I’m also sending a quick virtual hug out to all of you whose dad’s may have passed away or those who have had strained or non-existent relationships with your dad.  

For more helpful tips on how you can be better, do better, and live better, listen to my podcast, Better with Dr. Ericka, at www.BetterThePodcast.com.  Until next time, this is Dr. Ericka and have a better day!